


That's What It's All About

by orangeCrates



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 15:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2074011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeCrates/pseuds/orangeCrates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter decides to teach the team to dance. It goes as well as everyone (except Peter) thought it would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's What It's All About

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. It started off as a me going, 'I bet the first order of business for Peter was to teach everyone else to dance' and then somehow the conversation divolved into 'and then Drax does the hokey-pokey'. And then this happened.

1\. 

Peter always sort of assumed dancing was one of those things people just picked up. Maybe by osmosis. Not necessarily everyone would be good at it, mind you. (Not everyone is going to be able to dance like _the_. Starlord. The universe could not handle that much awesome.) But he figured, everyone could dance. You just listened to music and did what came naturally and, boom, you were dancing.

After an incident involving a night club that ended in a police chase, Peter had to re-consider this opinion.

Not that he minded police chases. They weren't exactly fun, but those kinds of experiences were the sort that were good to laugh about over a drink or two (or ten). It's just that he doesn't want that to be the natural end to any evening involving a dance floor.

It sort of sucked all the fun out of things.

And, clearly, the only solution to his problem is to teach the rest of his friends to dance. Clearly.

What could go wrong?

 

2.

"There's no nice way to say this," Peter said after he got everyone to stand (or in Groot's case, have Rocket place his pot) so they were standing in a circle, "but you guys suck at dancing." And then, because all of them looked ready to complain (probably things like, "How can you suck dancing?" or "I have not sucked anything!" or "why do you call us guys when we are not all male?"), Peter pressed on quickly, "And by that I mean none of you can dance. Like. At all. Gamora sort of gets it and I think Groot does, but the rest of you...yeah. Let's not even go there."

Pause.

"Go where?"

"...nevermind. The poin--what I'm saying is that I'm going to teach you. We'll start with something easy. It's called the hokey-pokey."

Technically, he doesn't have the music for it, but it should be okay. After all, even a child could do this.

It fails right at "you put your right foot in" when Drax asks, "Put it where?"

And Peter, with his right leg still in mid-air stops and has to ask, "what?"

"Where do I put my right foot?" Drax explained patiently, "In someone's face? Through their ribs?"

"Nah." Rocket chimes in, "If you do that it would have been 'put your right leg through.'" He says it so seriously that Peter has difficulty telling if he's actually trying to be helpful or if this was like the time with the guy's leg.

"But what if someone holds him down? Or if my foot does not go out the other si--"

"We're not putting our feet in anyone!" Peter held a hand out in a gesture for silence that he hoped was universal for _shut the fuck up and let me talk_ , "You're putting your foot in the _circle_."

"I see no circle."

Peter gestures at them all, "This circle! The one we're making!"

And Drax looks around before giving Peter a pitying look as if _he_ were the one who wasn't making any sense. "This is no circle."

"Yes it is!"

Rocket looks around and shakes his head because he is determined to be no help what-so-ever, "It's more like an oval."

"It is an ellipse." Drax corrects as if Peter even knows what the difference between an oval and a fucking ellipse was.

Groot, of course, puts in his own two cents as Gamora rolls her eyes at the procceedings, because he's stuck in a flower pot so he can't exactly put his right foot anywhere.

"I am Groot."

 

3.

Eventually they master the hokey-pokey, but just as things are looking up, Peter runs into another problem.

"Drax, we're done with the hokey-pokey."

Drax doesn't whine, but he does say, very pointedly, "I want to dance the hokeypokey." And, call him crazy, but Peter keeps getting the feeling that Drax doesn't understand that 'hokey-pokey' is two words instead of just one.

"But there are a lot of other dances you can do."

Drax crosses his arms and it makes his biceps bulk up in a way that had been unfairly frightening when they'd first met. "I want to dance the hokeypokey."

"...okay then. Well, we'll be doing something else and you can go sit on the side and come join us when you're sane again."

"I am sane."

And Drax remains sane and uncooperative until the very end, eventually choosing to occupy his time by cleaning his weapons on the side until Gamora was the one to snap.

"Do you have to clean your weapons here?"

To which Drax had to admit that he didn't have to, but it was better than doing nothing because he was not joining in unless it was the hokey-pokey.

 

4.

Rocket was the one who complained about these lessons the most.

It was always:

"This is stupid."

"Why are we even doing this?"

"This is a waste of my time."

And on and on and on, until Peter finally just told him, "Thank you for your opinion. I'm glad you're always reminding us of how stupid you think this is and for wasting your time to show up everyday."

And Drax looked up for a moment in surprise. "You are?"

"No!"

But the thing about Rocket was, he did show up everyday and Peter finds it's easy to get him to participate if you appeal to his pride. Reverse psychology. That was the trick. That and giving Rocket the chance to show off. He always enjoyed doing that.

Peter is pleasantly surprised when Rocket manages everything Peter teaches him and even comes up with a few sick moves himself.

On the other end of the spectrum, you had Groot and Gamora who didn't really dance in front of people. Groot, because somehow he's gotten into his head that dancing was something like the game red-light-green-light where, if someone is looking, you have to freeze. Peter has given up and trying to explain to him the point is to be seen. Gamora, well. She just didn't seem to like dancing in front of people and there was only so much of Peter's nonsense she was willing to put up with on a day to day basis.

Drax still will not dance anything that wasn't the hokey-pokey.

But, all-in-all, Peter thinks they've made great progress. He tells Gamora that they're ready for the final test and she just tells him flatly that she's not dancing in public.

 

5.

At some point in the evening, the nightclub had caught on fire after a bar fight.

The fire itself was the result of a freak accident involving Rocket, a lanky alien with more heads than limbs and, apparently, some kind of hardcore dance off.

The bar fight started because Drax broke someone's shin dancing the hokey-pokey.

When he told Gamora that he was never (ever) taking any of them clubbing again (ever) she only laughed at him.

Or well, she smirked at him, but that's pretty much her equvalent of pointing at him and laughing at his misery.


End file.
